From my Mom to me:

FYI…
Also, how are you feeling?? I have a late night tonight & early morning so probably won’t be able to call.

Attached to my Mom’s email:

Nancy,

When Lindsay was here last Sunday I believe that God gave me some things for her. If you feel they are appropriate would you forward them to her? I do not have her email address.

Lindsay,

I believe God has given me some things for you. God wants to change the way you seek him. I see you fervently seeking him for which songs to sing and what the focus of worship should be. I heard God speak this, ” She cannot lead my people where she has not been”. I see God calling you to an intimacy in which you seek him for who he is rather than to receive a song list. The following quote is from the Amplified Bible:Hab 3:19 The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in , but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!
I believe God is calling you to a season portrayed in the Song Of Songs. His call to you is to “come away my beloved”. I believe that it is in this place of intimacy that you will receive the direction you need.

In His Name,
John

My response to my Mom (and no, I’m not going to fix the grammatical errors):

ok so that was probably the best thing for me to hear right now. That John - he’s always gettin words from the Lord for me! I was reading a girl’s blog yesterday (sister of one of my friends here, sent from the Columbus Vineyard to help plant a church in Tanzania- graceintanzania.blogspot.com) and was so into reading her encounters with God and people and just what her life is like there and I was so bummed because I felt like I am not experiencing any of what she is. Knowing full well that it’s NOT because I’m not in Africa but not necessarily knowing why it IS that way.
 
enter John’s word for me.
 
So yeah, it’s just pretty cool that God knows me that well and that He uses other people to tell me things exactly when I need to hear them. Kinda like one of the stories I read yesterday on Grace’s blog where she talked about really needing a car and how the days events lead up to her not being able to meet the guy who was FINALLY going to help her get one, and when it didn’t happen she was so upset and as she was making the 2 mile walk home to her “village” she was having it out with God and she realized that she was really letting the “car issue” interfere with her attitude/relationships with people, not to mention she was making it a sort of idol. So she told God that it didn’t matter that she didn’t have a car and she realized that she would get a car when God wanted her too and you know it wasn’t two minutes later that she was stopped by a guy in an SUV asking if her name was Grace – to which she said yes, and he said “Hey I’m Russell – the guy you were supposed to meet today about the car.”
 
So I guess I’m having my own little, “Grace in Africa” moment. God knows me so well, and I don’t expect Him to, and because I don’t expect Him too, I’m not experiencing the amazingness of knowing that God KNOWS me, loves me, cares for me etc…and because I don’t experience these things I am feeling disconnected to His Kingdom, and because I feel disconnected I feel stressed, frustrated, burnt out, which leads to bitterness, apathy, lonliness and because I’m feeling these things, Satan is having a freaking hayday.
 
enter John’s word for me.
 
Thanks mama!
 
Linds
 
p.s. I’m feeling better. The holes were a hurtin’ yesterday, but I’m feeling pretty good today

Now that you’ve watched it, what are you going to DO about it?

I’ve been thinking heavily about my impact in this world ever since last week, probably because of the election and the great sermon Ryan gave last Sunday (go here to check it out: www.tenmilevineyard.org).

Ryan chalenged us to DO something about the things we care about and the causes we believe in – that voting for members of the church should really be “just another day” not the end all, be all of our trust and hope. He said something that I cannot get out of my head: “Wouldn’t it be cool if someday the government comes to the church and asks ‘How do you do it? How do you love people the way you do? How are you taking care of all of these people?’” I mean seriously, what if that were the case? What if we were actually doing the things we say we care about instead of just saying we care about them??

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not criticizing our church, I’m criticizing myself. I can’t watch videos like the above and not question what am I really doing to make a difference in the world, or in America, or in Ohio, or in Toledo, or with my neighbors? Why do I find this so difficult? Why do I care more about getting the perfect worship set together than loving my co-workers, or the people at the bus station, or the people in my small group? And I don’t think it’s that I don’t love these people, I’m just not doing it well.

This really brings me back to something else that’s been on my mind for the past, oh 2 years… I was so convicted watching that video (for the 4th time this week) and knowing that I walk around everyday wanting things from God – when I have EVERYTHING I need.

e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

Ok – so let’s DO something! And what better way to hold each other accountable than via blog Here’s my November (dreaming big) list of what I’m going to do:

1. Love, encourage and show grace to my coworkers.

2. Save an extra $5 each week (total of $20 per month) so I can do a “RAK” (c’mon you can figure it out) for someone I DON’T know.

3. Actually stop at the Tarta bus stop on Friday after work and find out (instead of driving by and wondering) who those people are that are passing out food and how I can get involved.

4. WARNING: This one’s out there – Spend time with God. Because I too need love, encouragement and grace and too often I sacrafice time with Him for other things that don’t even come close to satisfying this need.

That’s my list – what’s yours??

- Started leading a small group with Sean & Amanda which has been so much fun. It’s a challenge committing to people and loving people and leading people etc… but God is doing some really cool things: with us and with our group. I’ll expound on that more another time

- Started VLI (Vineyard Leadership Institute – www.vli.org) which has been intense to say the least. I’m basically back in school while working full time. It’s a lot of work which I knew it would be and I’m excited about it so that definitely makes it easier, but it’s still hard. Yeah…still hard.

- Worship – WORSHIP! Where to begin… I think I’m learing how to give God control of this area which is so much more freeing than trying to do everything myself. Something I knew but maybe didn’t realize I was guilty of doing until now. I’m sensing God more and more on Sunday mornings and that is a very cool thing. I had a meeting (yay meetings!) with Ryan (our pastor) about a week ago and he really opened my eyes to what my “job” as the worship intern could be. To put it his way – “so much more than managing an excel spreadsheet”. I’m beyond excited to pray about this and just dream big – finding time to do it though is another story.

- It’s Fall! My absolute favorite time of the year. The weather is already getting colder and today I wore a coat. Yes internet, a coat. It’s new and has fake fur in the hood. I really like it and I think it was worth every penny. Just don’t ask me how much it was

I know this doesn’t really count as an update but I promise to be more faithful. Maybe you could pray for my time management skills. No for real.

..::Peace & Love::..

“I will call in tomorrow to tell you – but I am sorry for snapping at you.”

So as I waited through the hours leading up to the call, my stomach was in knots. That’s how much I hate confrontation - even when I know that the “confrontation” is going to be an apology I still freak out. So she did call, and I told her I forgave her for what she said and that I really did appreciate her calling because I was pretty upset. And you know what? I was proud of myself. I was proud because I didn’t just say ”oh it’s fine, no big deal” (my normal i-hate-confrontation-let’s-get-this-over-with-response) - because it wasn’t fine and until I got her message I was still mad.

And it was about 2 seconds after I hung up the phone that I knew I couldn’t have done that without Jesus.  Without Him, I would have let her walk all over me. Without Him I wouldn’t have been able to tell her (in love) that my feelings were hurt. Without Him I wouldn’t have been able to sincerely forgive her and without Him I wouldn’t have been able to move on.

Praise the Lord I’m maturing!

(Side note: I think I have lost all knowledge of how to use a comma. I apologize if my lack of correct punctuation made this post difficult to read in any way)